December 2011
November 2011
Lately, the kids have been having nightmares, so I try to make sure they are sleeping well, even in the middle of the night ^^
KPOP:
Where the guys are sexier bitches than the girls are.
Where every man can apply and remove their own eyeliner and eyeshadow with ease and masculinity intact.
Where nobody is gay, just metrosexual.
Where man-on-man action means hand-holding and hugging.
Where girls parade half naked onscreen in a country where women can’t expose their shoulders in public.
Where everybody dies of cancer at the end of the music video. EVERYBODY.
Where young children sign away the rest of their lives to CEOS laughing behind their music company desks.
Where IV hookups flow freely to “tired” singers.
Where overly rubbing your lips in front of a camera is not only acceptable, but expected.
Where guys wear more jewelry than the girls.
Where the guys own more stuffed animals than the girls.
Where everybody runs on ramyeon.
Where stylists always seem to be smoking too much crack when they brainstorm fashion/hair/makeup concepts.
Where shootings for a five-minute music video take the same time as a small-budget indie film.
Where artists work to exhaustion and recieve less than 10% of sales and still get 100% of the stalkers.
Where the youngest member of a band becomes a slave to everyone else’s whims.
Where white eyeliner reigns supreme.
Where celebrities’ noses magically shrink and double eyelids appear without any kind of surgery.
Where it’s okay for old women to prey on little boys, but old men can’t get to close to the little girls. (so they go for boys too)
Where everyone speaks Seoul dialect, even the foreigners.
Where a guy can wear fishnets and miniskirts without having his sexuality questioned.
Where anyone can rap, even if you can’t.
Where guys can be mistaken for girls on a daily basis from behind and front.
Where the guys have skinnier legs than the girls.
Where every problem is solved by a dance-off, fist fight, or by smiling cutely at the camera.
Where you’re only a man if you have an 8-pack, because 6-packs are so last year.
Where being able to spell the word “apple” is considered English fluency.
Where all the Koreans sing in Japanese even when they have no idea how to pronounce the lyrics.
Where everyone can sing, dance, act, and MC even when they can’t.
Where songs get banned for using slang or implying something that might be remotely fun.
Where stars never date, only identify their “ideal types.” (with whom they are most likely sleeping with)
Where singers aren’t identified by their style of music, but by which company they’re signed under.
Where “no makeup” means bb cream, eyeliner, and lipgloss. (this goes for both men and women)
Where the “leader” of most bands doesn’t do much except yell at the other members to behave on-camera.
Where all pictures of singers must be taken at a 45 degree angle above their head, never straight on.
Where nobody is starving themselves, they’re just dieting.
Where minors shoot music videos that are later deemed “too inappropriate” for them to watch themselves.
Where a topless guy is considered overexposed if you can see nipples/armpit hair.
Where anytime a singer is seen, a fan blowing their hair sexily about appears magically from nowhere.
Where you can use English words incorrectly and out of place in a song and everyone thinks it’s cool.
Where any problem be it social, political, or religious, can be solved with rock-paper-scissors.
Where nobody does drugs, they turn to ddokkbokki instead.
Where everyone owns a pair of thick rimmed glasses, even if they have 20/20 vision.
Where all religions worship the real holy trinity of SME, YGE, and JYPE. none of this father, son, holy ghost stuff.
Where being able to find Super Junior’s Kibum is harder than finding Waldo.
Where you’re know you’re a popular singer when asked to pick your favorite SNSD member.
Where no matter how much food stars eat on camera or on an MV set, they magically stay the same size.
Where it’s a shock if singers can actually play some kind of musical instrument.
Where everybody uses illegal visas to foreign countries.
Where guys can kiss guys and girls can kiss girls, but it’s scandalous if a guy kisses a girl.
Where nobody is racist or culturally insensitive, they just have no idea what anyone who isn’t Korean looks/acts like.
Where the title of the song is usually never actually incorporated into the lyrics itself.
Where it’s considered strange if a bunch of young guys DON’T live together with no women allowed inside their home.
Where it’s considered good if stars endorse random grocery items and cleaning products, not the end of their career.
Where the men wear heel lifts more often than the girls wear stilettos.
Where everyone fits into size XS, S, or M. EVERYONE.
Where the guys look better cross-dressed than the women do. (Lady HeeHee and Teukonce, anyone?)
Where the majority of the divas are men.
Where hair changes color quicker than the seasons change.
Where you are only pretty with a “V-Line face” or “S-Line waist” both of which do not occur naturally on the human body.
Where puffy bags under your eyes are considered “cute” and “youthful”
Where it’s okay for an idol to never earn a college degree. (and if they do, it’s in “music appreciation”)
Where as long as you’re pretty, it hardly matters how talented you actually are in singing, dancing, or rapping.
Where autotune reigns supreme.
Where men in leather, chains, studs, and spikes isn’t fettishy or gay, it’s “MANLY.”
Where a singer’s vacation is a one-day filming for an idol DVD.
Where your face is always “too big” and “needs to be smaller”
Where a band’s name is never pronounced according to the flow of proper grammar and pronunciation.
Where math is romantic. (R SQUARED PI!)
Where (fandom) size matters.
